Pruning the Vineyard

I read Jacob 5 over two days. I love Jacob 5 but lately I haven't felt as strongly involved with it lately. It's probably due to the stress of the semester and everything. I like the analogy of the Lord pruning the vineyard and working on the trees but the good fruit would often not be produced despite the Lord's bests intentions.

I have felt very pruned this year. I have experienced some of the most trying experiences in my life. I came to BYU with naive expectations I suppose. I was a bit shocked when it wasn't exactly as peachy as I had hoped. I have met many friends, felt many sorrows, and experienced the most spiritual growth that I have ever seen in a year. My first semester I finished the Bible. My second semester I read the BOM. And I hope to finish the D and C before I leave for Thailand. I stirred up controversy as I explored my religious beliefs. I prayed. A lot. I tried to pray with greater intent. I tried to come to know Jesus, not just about Him. And I worked hard to do my best. Was I happy through all this pruning? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Lately I have felt the no side of this pruning. I haven't been enjoying BYU for the past little bit and it was compounded lately as I realized that I have felt more and more left out in many aspects of my life. Don't worry everyone, BYU, like everything in life, has its ups and downs. I will most likely stay at BYU.

But then I remember perhaps the greatest lessons that I have learned this year. Christ's hand is always stretched out. He is the True Lover. The Great I am. The Eternal God. God is my Father. And the Spirit will not abandon me if I continue to try my hardest. The pruning and the burning, the nourishing and the learning comes through the Holy Spirit. God has taught me more about myself than I can express. God has taught me who I want to be, who I don't want to be, what I want my life as a Disciple of Christ to be like and the kind of future I want for myself. But most of all, I have learned to love myself. I have learned that only through loving myself can I love others.

And because of this, I have grown to love the Thai people already more than I can express. Though I may not speak their language (yet), I feel a love for them that I cannot express in words. I hope that I can share my message with love and with faith.

Lord I believe. Help thou my unbelief.